69 ordspråk av Eddie Izzard
Eddie Izzard
 "We stole countries with the cunning use of flags! Yeah, just sail around the world and stick a flag in. - I claim India for Britain! They go, - You can't claim us, we live here! 500 million of us! - Do you have a flag? - We don't need a bloody flag! It's our country, you bastards! - No flag, no country, you can't have one! That's the rules that I've just made up, and I'm backing it up with this gun that was lent from the National Rifle Association." |
| ‘Cause Jesus I do think did exist, and he was, I think, a guy who had interesting ideas in the Gandhi-type area, in the Nelson Mandela-type area, you know, relaxed and groovy; and the Romans thought, "Relaxed and groovy?! No, no, no, no, no!" So they murdered him. And kids eat chocolate eggs, because of the color of the chocolate, and the color of the... wood on the cross. Well, you tell me! It's got nothing to do with it, has it? |
| ‘Cause, "Cake or death?" That's a pretty easy question. Anyone could answer that.
"Cake or death?" "Eh, cake please." "Very well! Give him cake!" "Oh, thanks very much. It's very nice." "You! Cake or death?" “Uh, cake for me, too, please." "Very well! Give him cake, too! We're gonna run out of cake at this rate. You! Cake or death?" "Uh, death, please. No, cake! Cake! Cake, sorry. Sorry..." "You said death first, uh-uh, death first!" "Well, I meant cake!" "Oh, all right. You're lucky I'm Church of England!" Cake or death?" |
| 'ello, Sue. I've got legs. Do you like bread? I've got a French loaf. Bye! I love you |
| 'PiAno,piAno'
It's not a bloody piano, its a clarenARt...you weird talking person. |
| And the National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, people do,” but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that… |
| And there’s others like taxidermist! You can’t just go, “Oh, I was just working at the chip shop, and I just started stuffing animals with sand,” you know? You’ve gotta want to be! “I want to be a taxidermist! I wanna fill animals with sand. (mimes stuffing an animal) I wanna get more sand into an animal than anybody has ever bloody got in one. I wanna fill a rat with the entire Gobi Desert, so it’s really quite tight.” |
| And they always find in archeology “a series of small walls.” Every time, a series of small walls. Everywhere you go. “We’ve found a series of small walls, we’re very excited… I think this proves they had walls in olden days. They were very small, and… a series of small wall people.” And then someone comes along, very learned, with glasses, “Of course, the king and queen entertained here… 1,500 courtiers, and there were soldiers, 20,000 soldiers in this room, and elephants dancing hopscotch over there… A mad fiddler in this room, playing the banjo, buttocks and aqueducts into a heater…” And you’re just watching, and going, “You’re making this up, mate! You’re just pointing at a series of small walls, going, ‘there, there… Tutankhamen playing banjo in there…’ Don’t know if it’s true.” |
| And you don’t get the normal perks of a normal job, like people who work in an office; they have other people there, you can flirt, you know? You go, “Hey! Oh, you’re new here, aren’t you? How are you getting on? Do you want a coffee? I was gonna go get a coffee- I can get you a coffee… You know, I like my coffee like I like my women- in a plastic cup!” Beekeepers can’t do that! 2,000 bees… (buzzing sounds) “Hello, there, you in the street! You’re new, aren’t you?” (scared) “Huh?” “Do you want a cup of coffee? It’s no problem! (buzzing continues) No real problem…” “I don’t want a cup of coffee from you! You’re covered in bees!” “I like my women like I like my coffee… covered in bees! Now back off, back off!” (screams) They’re always just behind you… or in front. If beekeepers get together, and go in a sort of general outing, and they’re in a van with a lot of bees following, “Faster! Faster! (buzzing sounds) Faster! Put your foot down!”(sighs) Yes… |
| Because that's what narcissism is all about; looking in the mirror everyday and thinking 'Damn, I'd like to shag myself.' |
| Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others. |
| But puberty was… well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite ‘cause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know? |
| But then the Roman Empire fell like this- "oh shit". And we went into
what the historians called the Stupid Fucker period. Where everyone was going -"er, I dunno. Is that a Roman road? Can we eat it?" Then there was the dark Ages. " I can't even see you! Where are you?" |
| But with dogs, we do have “bad dog.” Bad dog exists. “Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!” The dog is saying, “Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colors, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!” “Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit, sorry.” |
| Cause if you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy, that's where the sexuality is. Yeah, it's not drag queen, no; gay men have got that covered. This is male tomboy, and people do get that mixed up, they put transvestite there - no no no no! Little bit of a crowbar separation, thank you! And gay men, I think, would agree. It's male lesbian, that's really where it is, ok? Because… it's true! ‘Cause most transvestites fancy girls, fancy women. So that's where it is. |
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varav 1407627 på engelska
Proverb (1469511 st) Search
Categories (2627 st) Search
Authors (167535 st) Search
Photos (4592 st)
Born (10495 st)
Died (3317 st)
Dates (9517 st)
Countries (5315 st)
Idiom (4438 st)
Lengths
Toplists (6 st)
Greetings
Write a greeting
This website focuses on proverbs in the Swedish, Danish and Norwegian languages, and some parts including the links below have not been translated to English. They are mainly FAQs, various information and webpages for improving the collection.
Det är julafton om 216 dagar!
Vad är proverb?
Hur funkar det?
Vanliga frågor
Om samlingen
Ordspråkshjältar
Hjälp till!
 |
This website focuses on proverbs in the Swedish, Danish and Norwegian languages, and some parts including the links below have not been translated to English. They are mainly FAQs, various information and webpages for improving the collection.
Det är julafton om 216 dagar!
Vad är proverb?
Hur funkar det?
Vanliga frågor
Om samlingen
Ordspråkshjältar
Hjälp till!