"It's only a scratch"
"A scratch?! Your heads off!" |
"Well she turned me into a newt!" "A newt?" "I got better..." |
Always look on the bright side of life. |
Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? |
BEN: You lucky, lucky bastard. BRIAN: What? BEN: Proper little jailer's pet, aren't we? BRIAN: What do you mean? BEN: You must have slipped him a few shekels, eh? BRIAN: Slipped him a few shekels? You saw him spit in my face! BEN: Ohh! What wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face! I sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at in the face. BRIAN: Well, it's not exactly friendly, is it? They had me in manacles! BEN: Manacles! Ooh oooh oh oh. My idea of heaven is to be allowed to be put in manacles... just for a few hours. They must think the sun shines out o' your arse, sonny. BRIAN: Oh, lay off me. I've had a hard time! BEN: You've had a hard time?! I've been here five years! They only hung me the right way up yesterday! So, don't you come 'rou-- BRIAN: All right. All right. BEN: They must think you're Lord God Almighty. BRIAN: What will they do to me? BEN: Oh, you'll probably get away with crucifixion. BRIAN: Crucifixion?! BEN: Yeah, first offence. BRIAN: Get away with crucifixion?! It's-- BEN: Best thing the Romans ever did for us. BRIAN: What?! BEN: Oh, yeah. If we didn't have crucifixion, this country would be in a right bloody mess. BRIAN: Guards! BEN: Nail him up, I say! |
Dinsdale, He was a nice boy...... He nailed my head to a coffee table. |
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. |
He's not pining, he's passed on. This parrot is no more. He has ceased to be. He's expired and gone to meet his maker. He's a stiff, bereft of life, he rests in peace. If you hadn't have nailed him to the perch he'd be pushing up the daisies. He's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot! |
He's not the Messiah - he's a very naughty boy. |
Honesty, simplicity and truth are the secret to his comedy, |
I don't think there's a punch-line scheduled, is there? |
I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! |
I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am |
I wanted to be... A LUMBERJACK! |
It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that? |