128 ordspråk av Bill Maher
Bill Maher
 "Hi. You know with everything going down in West Palm Beach, and the holidays right around the corner I couldn't think of a better time to share one of my favorite children's classics, it's called: "How the Grinch Stole the Election". And ah--I'd like to read it to you now, shall we?Every Jew down in Jew-vile liked elections a lot, But the Grinch who lived over in Austin did not. I know they'll be voting for Gore, he was thinking, By Wednesday--the latest--I'll be back to my drinking. Election Day came and the voting was close, At one point the Grinch even started to boast, 'It's the Grinch by a nose!' all the newsmen exclaimed, Even Dan Rather who was clearly insane. But was he the winner, hey not so fast-- Al Gore called him up and said, "Grinch, kiss my ass!" The race was too tight to say who was elected, The Grinch was so stressed his face got infected. All eyes turned to Jewville to sort out the mess, But Hyman and Hershel and dear old Aunt Bess, Were too senile to vote for the one that they liked, They poked the wrong hole and joined the Third Reich. The Jews down in Jewville took to the streets, To complain about fraud, not to mention the heat. The Grinch said something that couldn't be gosher, 'This election my friends, is perfectly kosher.' Then a judge ruled each vote should be counted by hand, The Grinch said, 'That's not what my brother Jeb had planned.' His lawyers filed motions and junctions and writs, Demanding that Gore and the Jews call it quits. But just when the Grinch thought the deal had gone through, He met Cindy Lou Lipshitz, age 92. 'Why?' she cried, 'Did you steal our election?' The Grinch just laughed and gave her a lethal injection. They say the Grinch's ego grew 3 sizes that day, Unfortunately his brain went the opposite way. So here's a lesson for now and for later, Don’t blame me-- I voted for Nader!" |
| "If I wanted to have wooden sex with strings attached I'd get married." In reference to the movie "Team America" in which puppets appear to have sex |
| . . . remember, guns don't kill people -- unless you practice real hard. |
| A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch "Big Brother". |
| A lot of good has come from drugs. I think 'Penny Lane' is worth 10 dead kids. Dark Side of the Moon is worth 100 dead kids. Because a lot of kids wouldn't even be born if it weren't for that album, so it evens out. |
| A lot of people have warned President Clinton that Bosnia will turn into another Vietnam, which would be embarrassing for him because he'll have to go back to college. |
| A new biography of Madonna came out last week, and apparently the biography lists all the men she's slept with. The book is apparently called the Manhattan Telephone Directory. |
| Abstinence is a perversion. |
| all I wanted to do. |
| Amazon has included me in an opportunity to provide top-shelf television-style programming live on the world's computer screens. To hold forth with the industry's very best actors, directors, musicians, authors -- I'm thrilled to be on the cutting edge of this. |
| And she's always writing a book. It's always the same book. Slander. Treason. How many euphemisms can you come up with for 'I Hate People'? ... And, believe it or not, there are a number of people who won't do the show with her. |
| And to answer the question that people have about this conspiracy theory that he has a pack in his back, my answer is, if someone was feeding him answers, couldn't they be able to feed him better ones than he came up with? |
| Apparently Bob Dole's new election strategy is to find a Republican policy so stupid, even Clinton won't copy it. |
| Bob Dole admitted he used cocaine when he was in college, but then Coca-Cola changed its formula. |
| Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo. |
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This website focuses on proverbs in the Swedish, Danish and Norwegian languages, and some parts including the links below have not been translated to English. They are mainly FAQs, various information and webpages for improving the collection.
Här har vi samlat ordstäv och talesätt i 34 år!
Vad är proverb?
Hur funkar det?
Vanliga frågor
Om samlingen
Ordspråkshjältar
Hjälp till!
varav 1407627 på engelska
Proverb (1469511 st) Search
Categories (2627 st) Search
Authors (167535 st) Search
Photos (4592 st)
Born (10495 st)
Died (3317 st)
Dates (9517 st)
Countries (5315 st)
Idiom (4438 st)
Lengths
Toplists (6 st)
Greetings
Write a greeting
This website focuses on proverbs in the Swedish, Danish and Norwegian languages, and some parts including the links below have not been translated to English. They are mainly FAQs, various information and webpages for improving the collection.
Här har vi samlat ordstäv och talesätt i 34 år!
Vad är proverb?
Hur funkar det?
Vanliga frågor
Om samlingen
Ordspråkshjältar
Hjälp till!
 |
This website focuses on proverbs in the Swedish, Danish and Norwegian languages, and some parts including the links below have not been translated to English. They are mainly FAQs, various information and webpages for improving the collection.
Här har vi samlat ordstäv och talesätt i 34 år!
Vad är proverb?
Hur funkar det?
Vanliga frågor
Om samlingen
Ordspråkshjältar
Hjälp till!